Catnip Conundrum

Catnip has always been pretty mysterious to me.

I didn’t grow up with cats. Somehow the first time I ever came across the concept of catnip was when Shrek 2 came out when I was a teenager. There’s a section of that movie where the filmmakers parody “Cops” and Puss in Boots gets caught with a bag of the good stuff.

I remember being puzzled. How the fuck did I not know about catnip?

I eat meat and I definitely don’t love animals as much as some people do. But I’m not a psychopath and don’t like the idea of harming animals unnecessarily.

A few months back I went round to my friends John and Shelley’s apartment for some Saturday night drinks. Shelley owns a skittish cat who hides whenever there’s new people inside the apartment.

At some point during the night John coerced the cat out of it’s hiding place and got him fucked up on nip.

It was such a bizarre scene to witness. The cat was sprawled out on his back and his eyes were rolling into the back of his head. He didn’t look like he was having fun; he looked messed up.

Maybe it was because I was stoned myself, but when I looked into the cat’s eyes, I could kind of understand how he was feeling. He was dealing with the feeling you get when you’ve eaten a really strong edible and you find yourself at an intimate house party with bad lighting and strange people. Extreme paranoia and heart-stopping anxiety.

Another friend of mine Chips told me about a time where he came home one night and his cat began to maniacally lick his boots. He’d been working out in the country and must of stepped through some catnip during the day.

A little while later Chips found his cat lying on his bed completely spaced out in a stoned stupor. He said he threw on a Pink Floyd compilation onto his soundsystem, turned it up to 11 and closed his bedroom door. He checked on his cat an hour later and the little guy hadn’t moved a muscle.

What puzzles me about catnip as that most people who give it to their cats are probably against using animals for drug testing.

I’m aware that catnip isn’t harmful to a cat’s biology but surely high doses of catnip could potentially cause mental scarring. I know Chips’ cat probably went on some dark psychedelic journey thanks to the nip and Floyd combo.

Me and Kiri recently adopted a cat called Hilary. A few days after she arrived we dosed her with some catnip. She had a three hour experience which was pretty funny to watch despite these ethical reservations that are percolating in my head.

I guess it’s hard with a recreational drug like catnip because you can’t ask your kitty straight-up if they’re down to party. What do you do if you’re cat’s an addict? No one wants to live with a junkie.

Next time I trip I might give Hilary some nip. Perhaps she’ll somehow be able to let me know whether she’s cool with getting high recreationally. Two species; one love.

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